Yoga, Anxiety, & Self-Discovery w/ Lindsay Lee Decker
“10 years ago, after struggling with anxiety as a young adult, Lindsay's yoga journey began when her grandpa recommended that she first try meditation. After noticing the positive effects of meditation, meditation soon led to yoga. Lindsay became amazed at the new relationship she formed with herself through the practice of yoga and the power of the mind-body connection.
Lindsay is now a 500-hour certified yoga teacher. In addition, Lindsay has completed 24 hours of training with the Center for Trauma and Embodiment Yoga Program, providing her with the skills to integrate a trauma informed lens into a yoga class. Lindsay has a heart for making yoga accessible to her community and enjoys partnering with local organizations to bring that vision to life.”
Photo by Betsy Phillips @betsyphillips
How has anxiety shown up in your life as a young adult?
Name any situation you have seen me in, and know that anxiety came first. I have both social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Over time I got really good at faking it or at least trying to hide my anxiety. My anxiety would show up in social settings, public settings, and even simple things like ordering a coffee. For instance, if I was ordering a coffee, I’d study the face of the barista. If I perceived a look that felt “off” or if I felt that the interaction was awkward or uncomfortable, then I would wonder, did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?
What is social anxiety?
Put simply, it’s an intense fear of social judgement or embarrassment.
People pleasing is a mental condition that affects many people. Did you ever struggle with this?
I’m a recovering people pleaser. I’ve always tried to please people since I was a little girl. People pleasing can extract a lot of energy from you. I’ve always tried to accommodate people in order to make them comfortable, even at the expense of my own comfort level.
Have you learned to say “no” to things?
Yes—at first it was challenging, but it definitely gets easier. Now, sometimes I joke how saying “no” feels addicting! I’m learning the importance of protecting my energy. Saying “yes” can be thought of as your energetic currency; almost like you’re spending your “money” but instead you’re spending your energy. Overall, for me, it’s about learning how to give that energy back to yourself sometimes, and I’m enjoying finding the balance.
Was there ever a low point with your anxiety?
In 2019 it came to a head for me. I was feeling so isolated and I didn’t think anyone could understand how I felt. I finally said I can’t do this anymore and I want to understand why these feelings are showing up. This led me to find a therapist.
What was your experience like with your therapist?
It was the best experience ever and I’m still in therapy today. It feels good to know that someone understands exactly the way you think and can help you contextualize your thoughts and behaviors. My therapist holds my hand throughout the journey and helps me confront the mysterious parts of myself.
Top 3 Lessons you learned in therapy?
Lesson 1:
The “Both/And” Approach:
For me, “Either/Or” thinking usually leaves me room to see only one solution or feel one way. Whereas, the “Both/And” approach invites me to see the gray solution, which can be helpful in extending myself and others grace in a world where many possibilities can coexist.
Lesson 2:
Boundaries:
Establishing boundaries helps you advocate for yourself. This is a great tool especially if you struggle with saying “no” or expressing how you truly feel. Boundaries help you honor your limits and spend less energy on pleasing others.
Lesson 3:
Whose Voice is That?
Oftentimes with my self-talk, I have to stop and ask myself “whose voice is that?” If it’s a negative and self-critical voice, then perhaps it’s not my voice but the voice of someone else that I’ve picked up along the way. Pausing to ask myself whose voice is talking helps me filter through my self-talk, and decide whose voice is most helpful in any given situation.
Do you still experience anxiety today?
Yes, however I’m more aware of what it is now and it’s easier for me to name. Even for me today in most social interactions, I have this huge desire to want to look and act “normal”.
There is a stigma surrounding mental health issues, what’s your take on this?
I think in society we’re comfortable talking about physical things, but not mental or emotional things, which is understandable because our culture has groomed us to behave this way. For instance, if someone were to ask me “how are you?” and I was honest and said, “you know, I’m actually struggling today”, I think we have this fear that the person on the other end isn’t prepared to receive how we truly feel, which can cause us to think we’re a burden when in reality we’re not a burden. We’re real humans experiencing real human emotions.
I’m a believer in the power of positivity, but research shows that the overuse of “positive vibes” (toxic positivity) can cause harm.
For me, as a yoga teacher, it’s being intentional about changing the language you use so that everyone feels welcome. Our emotional spectrum is complex, and we’re not designed to just experience positive emotions. If someone hears “good vibes only” or “light and love” constantly from my class and their feelings aren’t “light and love” that day, they might assume that their whole self isn’t welcome, and that’s not how I want people to feel.
Personally, spaces where the standard is “good vibes only” are spaces that I don’t feel safe or welcome in.
What do you think we can do better as a society?
We need to continue to practice talking about the struggle. We also need to take better care of each other when we speak about our struggles. When you ask someone “how are you”, take a pause and make sure you’re prepared to support someone if their response isn’t “I’m good”. Let people know it's okay to tell you how they really are. Make sure the other person consents to you providing solutions or feedback—sometimes people just need you to listen.
What does self-care look like for you?
Lately, self-care is me advocating for myself and setting boundaries. After reflecting in quarantine, I realized how many things I was participating in that left me feeling drained. Now, it feels so good to consent to the things I want to do and say no to the things I don’t want to do.
What is something people maybe don’t know about you?
I actually really enjoy being by myself more than anything. Going on a walk, putting on a podcast or an audiobook, is a good way to help me rinse off the day.
Favorite podcast?
“Unlocking Us” by: Brené Brown
Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations
NPR’s “Up First” (FYI, if you get anxious listening to the news like me, this podcast shares the highlights of what’s going on in the world in about 8-10 minutes)
The GOOP Podcast
Fav Books?
In 2020, I really enjoyed Glennon Doyle’s “Untamed”.
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I am so grateful for Lindsay opening up and sharing about her journey! I appreciate her realness about where she’s been and where she is at currently. I found myself being able to relate to Lindsay on several different accounts. In our friendship, she has encouraged me to be gentle with myself in my own healing journey, which has been a game-changer for me!
