An Interview About Eating Disorders: Bri Siegert

First of all, if you are reading this, I am sending you love. Whether you are at the beginning stages of an eating disorder, on your road to recovery, or have a loved one that is suffering you are not alone!

Eating disorders (EDs) are a serious mental illness. In the US alone, 20 million women and 10 million men will suffer from an eating disorder at some point in their lives. Although it’s treatable, the consequences can be deadly if not addressed. EDs usually co-occur with other conditions such as anxiety, substance abuse, and/or depression.

This being said, there is no one road to recovery. How one chooses to handle it, is different from another. In this interview Bri opens up about her journey with her eating disorder and shares how she got to a healthier place in her life.

Bri Siegert is a CrossFit coach, athlete, and certified nutrition coach at CrossFit Kinesis in Omaha, NE with a passion to succeed and a drive to help others in the process.

Please explain what you struggled with

Kind of a mix. I was restricting myself from food, binging and purging when I would eat, appetite suppressant pills, and overexercising.

What time frame did this occur?

I started going on diets and exercising at 8 and it progressed from there. In high school it was kind of off and on. I got myself into drugs which also played into my eating disorder, as well as into college. I also became addicted to painkillers and Adderall, so I wouldn’t get hungry.

What factors brought this on for you?

So much brought this on. My mom was always very thin, and I remember seeing pictures of her when she was my age. I wasn’t naturally skinny, and since my mom was super tiny, I thought there was something wrong with me. All of my friends were also very thin. I was in dance and cheer, and many of my friends looked the same: thin. I thought I needed to look the same to be good at dance and cheer. I just thought all my friends were that body type, long and slender. So that was a big part of it.

Did family/friends notice this in you?

When I was younger my mom noticed it, because at 8 years old I was asking my mom if I could go on diets. However, she didn’t think it would turn into more. When I got older and would go out to eat with friends- I wouldn’t eat. I had all these weird little rules for myself around eating.

Did you ever seek therapy?

I actually went to rehab for drugs and alcohol when I was 15, but while I was there, the bigger issue to them was my eating disorder. Prior to rehab I had lost a lot of weight. In rehab the food wasn’t all that great. They wouldn’t let me weigh myself, and I just felt really restricted which caused a lot of anxiety. I gained 10 pounds while I was there. When I got out of rehab, I was panicking. I relapsed on pills to lose weight again and went back through that spiral.

What effects did this have on your health?

I would get super dizzy, pass out and black out, losing hair, skin very dry. Bad skin and hair and nails. My joints hurt.

Was there a rock bottom/low point of your ED?

I was about 20, and I had gotten down to 108 pounds, I hated myself at 130 pounds. I was over exercising and undereating every day. There was a weekend I went to Okoboji with some friends, and before I left, I weighed 110 pounds. I just remember this moment: I was crying, naked, standing on my parent’s scale. I was so embarrassed I didn’t wanna wear a swimsuit that weekend. I was so depressed and felt isolated.

When you say you felt depressed and isolated, what did this look like?

I would push people away. Typically, I’m a pretty happy/optimistic person. But I would get easily agitated with people. I would avoid doing things that required bonding with my family or friends, unless it involved drinking or partying. I didn’t want to be around food because it would trigger me. I just remember feeling very lonely, and at the same time anxious.

When you would isolate yourself, what did this time look like?

I would look up pictures of skinny models that I strived to look like. I had “thin-spiration” journals. If I wanted to eat something, I would just look at those girls, and not eat.

When was it that you realized you needed help?

It was after the Okoboji incident. The whole time I was there all I could think about was my weight. My friends would compliment my looks, but I wanted to cry. But because we were partying and drinking, I would just drink, that would help me not cry. But it was the only thing on my mind. I didn’t want guys or anyone to look at me or touch me, I felt so gross.

I knew at that time; I could not let my whole life be consumed by this anymore.

What changed?

5-6 months after that weekend in Okoboji I started Crossfit. I still was struggling back and forth; it wasn’t like it just all went away. My grandpa also died in between that time so that was hard. But I started bettering my health, I quit drinking and doing drugs.

How did you get introduced to CrossFit?

I actually found it on groupon! I wanted to do something different with my exercise routine and I wanted something different. When I saw it on groupon, it sounded like something I’d like, I liked high intensity. When I started CrossFit my mindset changed and I realized that muscle is sexy too. I realized I needed to eat to be able to perform better.

Was there anyone that helped you in your recovery?

When I started CrossFit, my coach told me I needed to eat food, or I was never going to get strong. So, I started eating more. This coach really helped me knowing I needed to eat carbs & protein, he helped me eat more calories, and I started getting stronger and feeling better!

Other than that, not really. I wasn’t super open to talking about my eating disorder.

Did you ever see a licensed mental health counselor?

In rehab I was forced to see a counselor. I didn’t after that.

Looking back would you have seen a counselor?

Looking back, I would have. I just didn’t know a whole lot of counselors who specialized in eating disorders. 

How is your journey coming along, are there areas you still struggle with today?

Yes, I still struggle at times, it’s not all the way out of my mind. I’ll still get hyper focused on certain areas of my body. If I feel heavier, my first go to spot is “I shouldn’t eat”. I am a nutrition coach- and tell people they can’t starve themselves. So, it’s that devil and angel- it’s that devil on my shoulder saying- “you shouldn’t eat, you’ll feel better if you don’t”. 

What kinds of things do you like to do to stay healthy?

I know that my body gives me feedback, and when I don’t eat enough or eat well, I get anxious, don’t sleep well, my performance isn’t where I’d like it, & my recovery is down. It’s all a great reminder to me that I need food!

Honestly, for me when I exercise, I’m the happiest and most content.

Was there a mindset shift?

I switched from needing to have a body that isn’t mine, accepting my body type, and I switched to wanting to perform well and be an athlete. I always wanted to be an athlete.

What did you learn about yourself through it all?

I learned that when I isolate myself, it tends to get worse, when I don’t ask for help or talk about it. It’s really easy to isolate yourself when feeling depressed, I know I need to talk to someone about it.

There are still days even recently that I feel low. Some days are better than others. I try not to ignore those feelings. When you push those feelings aside, they will eat you away. And when it’s too late, those feelings just grow and fester.

What do you like to do for your own mental health care?

Gratitude journaling. It’s such a small practice but goes so far. If I’m having a shitty emotional or mental day- I can journal for 5-10 min to get feelings on paper, it helps so much!

Any book recommendations that have helped you with your ED?

“I’m Fine…And Other Lies” by Whitney Cummings and “ROAR” by Dr. Stacy Sims- She talks about why it’s so important to eat enough food and if you don’t, you’ll have adverse effects on your body and emotional wellbeing.

What would you say to someone who is struggling with an ED?

To tell someone that is close to you, and then don’t be afraid to ask for help. There will be moments when you slip, and that’s when you need to reach out to your support system.

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I just want to compliment Bri for her vulnerability about her struggle with her eating disorder and her road to recovery. I personally know it’s not easy. Her comments about how there are still days that she struggles, really encouraged me because I have days where I struggle, and it made me feel like I am not alone! Thank you Bri

You can Call/Text National Eating Disorder Confidential Helpline 800-921-2237 if wanting someone to talk to.