Approval Addiction
How much of your life has been wasted in the pursuit of gaining approval from others?
Basing our self-worth on what others think of us leads us to becoming addicted to their approval.
A. In reality, the majority of the time you spend mind-reading about what someone thinks of you, they’re not even thinking about you.
B. The other person is thinking about you- but nothing is wrong.
C. The other person is thinking negative about you. Then what?
Well, it all comes down to, how do you feel about yourself? Ask yourself… Is your happiness in life based on them? How much power are you giving to that person? They don’t deserve that power.
I was stuck in this trap for many years! I constantly longed for the approval of other people. I would build relationships striving to please people and win their respect. I’d attend things I didn’t want to attend in hopes they’d like me. I’d say yes when I wanted to say no, so they wouldn’t “think” poorly of me. I’d go against my gut, to do what others suggested I do.
Yet the “approval” of others was fleeting, short lived, and it was an empty pursuit. It was like an addict, looking for their next “high” or “buzz” to feel better about themselves.
How quickly an ungrateful word or a perceived off look could destroy my sense of self-worth and the self-assurance I worked so hard to achieve!
Lies I believed:
I must be approved of by certain others to feel good about myself
My Self-Worth= my performance + other’s opinions of me
Believing these lies, led to an intense fear of being rejected by others.
Truth I learned:
We can either seek the approval of other people or our own inner approval as the foundation of our self-worth. We cannot pursue both.
Finding Freedom from Approval Addiction
1. Develop a Better Relationship w/ Yourself (just one way I’ve found to be helpful!)
When you have a positive relationship with yourself – your other relationships will benefit. When you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself- you will look to others to fill this VOID
Couple tips on this
Self-Awareness is step #1. Recognizing within yourself, “Do I seek the approval of others?” “Do I have a healthy relationship with myself, and is there room for improvement?”
Find a therapist, coach, mentor who can help you identify unhealthy beliefs/thought patterns you have about yourself and begin to process these & work through them. There is nothing wrong w/ asking for help! (this does not make you weak. The ego is what gets in the way! )
Positive self-talk: eliminate negative messages you tell yourself
Spend time with yourself alone & get to know YOU!
Go on a walk without any noise
Meditate
Journal your thoughts/feelings onto paper
Go for a drive, let it be quiet, no podcast, noise…let it be you and your thoughts
Read: there are so many good books that can help you learn more about yourself
Take a self-cation even if it’s one night, these are amazing!
Developing a healthy relationship with myself has been the biggest thing that’s helped free me from this constant need of seeking others’ approval. This took time. There are still days that I struggle. But it’s far better than it was in the past. I still work through unhealthy thoughts when they arise with my coach. Investing into myself is a daily commitment I have made, and I promise, it will be one of the best investments you can ever make!